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Early Morning Workout……Sweating

It’s better for me to workout early in the morning and keep my day rolling thereafter. I find that while I’m doing high knees, sometimes struggling and telling myself that I can while pushing to accomplish my goal. My body secretly begins to thank me and my confidence goes through the roof.

Yesterday it was roughly 4:30 am and I was in the middle of the floor in my room. My son sat up in my bed after using the restroom and put a smile on his face. Next thing came naturally as he began clapping and cheering me on. Telling me to continue and that I could do it.

This alone was one of the best feelings in the world because my son became my support system as he continued to cheer me on. I went from 90 to 100 within seconds, and I gave it my all.

I will never forget the look on my sons face as he smiled, clapped, and encouraged me to never give up.

After completing the workout my son came and told me how proud he was of me and to never give up. Lesson learned everyone I’m never giving up.

Some Of My Food Choices In Pictures.

Since embarking on this journey so much of me has changed. From my thought process, my level of determination, my perseverance, and the choices I make daily. One of these choices being the food I eat.

Starting off it was hard and I struggled with letting go of the foods I loved and the quantities in which I enjoyed them. Now that it’s both my son and I it has been that much easier for us to work hard together and make healthy choices.

There is a huge benefit of having the support of all of you just know that each day it is greatly appreciated. Your kind words, gesture, and support has put forth so much positive energy and we thank God for that each day in our prayers.

Lately we have had so much fun in the kitchen cooking and bonding . So today we wanted to share with you all a brief and quick sample of some of the things we had yesterday.

Thank you all for your support

Completed My First Day Round 2

On Mother’s Day I received a gift towards my life. I received a list from my trainer detailing my new workout regimen. At first I took a glance but a bit later I really looked.

I’ll admit my initial thought was “Oh my God how will ever do this” recognizing that it was simply a challenge I began to look a bit different.

I began talking to my aunt who quickly said “you might need prayer before you start that list” I agreed. I prayed when I received the list, before bed, during my sleep, and at 3:30 am when I woke up to get it done.

One thing is for sure when I started my workout. I thought of all the people who had wronged me in my season of darkness. That was the push I spoke of, and that was the push I received.

Was it early in the morning yes it was. Did I care about who heard me not at all. Did I sweat you bet I did. Was I out of breath yes I was in fact I was breathing so hard the neighbors might have heard.

With every second I pushed and pushed. I talked to myself during this workout. My conversation with myself was deep but oh well because it worked.

Day one of round 2 was a success

Justice

I sat and for some reason I found myself thinking of all those who’ve done me wrong. At first I began asking myself exactly what type of thought was that and why.

When I came to my senses I realized that it was exactly the kind of reflection I needed to begin my week. Not only was it a reflection but I learned in a quick second to turn that energy around.

I don’t hate anyone because I’ve had to forgive and let them go. There was no point in allowing them to occupy an ounce in my heart incorrectly any longer.

What was once negative memories have become tomorrow’s determination and motivation to push. You see here’s the thing today my trainer gave me a new workout list. Going into my second month of training we have new goals, and new boundaries to push.

Excited to embark on this new phase of my journey I’ve found it necessary to really seek God for strength, perseverance, and determination.

For every word of negativity, for every backstab, for every game played thinking that not everyone has feelings, for every bit of laughter behind my back, for every time I was talked about, for each time my name was drug into the ground, for every time a lie was spoke against my name. I sincerely wanted to take the time out to thank you for this weeks round of determination, because this week it’s getting real and I’m going hard.

This week is for you thank you………….

Motherhood

There was no book giving me step by step instructions on being a mom. No formal list of both things to do and things I should definitely avoid.

Changing diapers only to find that nearly half a second later the new one had been soiled and ruined like a fresh batch of kitty litter (lol the good times).

The late nights of being awake during feeding times, fussy conversations, or those nights spent as a worried parent because your child is sick.

The phone calls from school where you pick up instantly asking them what your child did. Only to find out that perhaps they just weren’t feeling good.

Endless conversations while driving trying your hardest to focus on the road. Meanwhile your child picked the perfect time to tell you their entire life story at school this far (but I love those).

The new pair of shoes they begged you for, so you worked hard and got them . No soon as they left out the house wearing them the return was always much different ( I learned not to get white anything).

The homemade cards drawn with stick people that could never be ugly and you proudly displayed. The ultrasound images where you swear that the tiny spec in the image was the cutest. Somehow your uncle tells you that every parent thinks that ( ok I promise I saw his face).

The look on their face when they smile from ear to ear while telling you that they love you. The kiss they give you telling you that your the best mom ever ( until they turn 6 and realize that kissing their mom on the cheek just isn’t cool. I don’t know who tells them that but that is false information).

When you experiment making that one dish which didn’t come out right. Only to have your mini you swear that it was the best burnt steak ever ( the thing is I don’t really cook steak okay I’ll tell the truth I walked away for a few mins or a little while).

The moment your son ask you to play with him so you agree. You find out that his idea of playing is sitting down on his rug playing rough with a bunch of action figures. Or that he really wants to wrestle and pin his mom down to the floor (first of all this is just not okay son and why can’t we place something nice and peaceful. But even these times are memories.)

When night time comes and you begin your routine of bedtime stories, scriptures, worship, and prayer. Only to find out that your child thinks that it was the best day ever.

To all of the moms out there this one is for you. To my mom thank you for all you have done it has been more than appreciated HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.

LIAR!!!!!!!

I always found a passion for writing even as a kid. There was something amazing in being able to take words, and create a passage, song, poetry, monologue, and plays.

Come to think of it maybe it was my way of escaping to venture somewhere new. My brother and I managed to take my closet and use it as both our writing domain and our stage.

There we wrote so many plays, and the best part was the aftermath. Once we were done writing we would often dress up, put on our fake accents and act out whatever we wrote ourselves. This process was soothing, relaxing, and rewarding.

Growing up in the ghetto with a hard working mother and a father with an addiction. We found a way to escape our environment through writing. As we grew older we continued to write for fun. In fact I recall a time in grade school when a teacher gave the class an assignment of writing a story.

I was beyond excited as I rushed home to my mother eager to write my story. Although I was in grade school this was a very easy aassignment. I sat down and got right to it and before we knew it I was done ready to turn it in.

I put on my best because I wanted to be presentable for turning in this story, my story. I rushed to school with a smile on my face and sat in my seat. As I handed in my assignment I sank into my chair happy and eager for his feedback.

The next day was the same I rushed to school and sat in my seat with a smile on my face. My teacher paced the classroom floor while we placed our heads down with the lights off it was very hot.

One by one he called our names and gave our review, his personal thoughts, and our grades. Everyone was happy because he was saying such wonderful things about their stories.

I was the last student but I was anxious, and more than ready. The teacher stood in front of my desk, looked at me, and proceeded with his personal opinion of my story.

In front of the class he called me a liar, and told me that I did not write my story. He told me that I stole it from somewhere, and continued to call me all sorts of names.

I was hurt, crushed, embarrassed, and shamed full of fear. The more I tried to convince him in front of the class that I was telling the truth. The louder and more stern he got in calling me a liar. The other students sat in their seats looking at me while laughing uncontrollably.

He looked at me, snatched me out of my seat, and stood me in front of a cabinet where each student could see me. He then took out very thick and heavy dictionaries. As he walked over to me he began telling me in his thick accent that this is how they dealt with things like this back in his country.

He began telling us where he was from, and how lies were not allowed. He then made me hold both of my hands straight up in the air as he placed each dictionary on top. One dictionary was very heavy so imagine me holding several which I did.

I was not allowed to move as I spent what seemed like for ever holding these books as he taught the class. My arms were tired, I was shaking, and filled with both tears and fear.

Once he was done teaching the lesson he dismissed the students. Yes I received a huge lecture while still holding these dictionaries. At some point they were removed and I was told to sit in my seat.

As a kid I was afraid I never spoke of this incident. One thing is for sure I stopped writing for a long time.

Words are powerful, and their weight can be heavy and severe. I took time away from what I loved the most missing out on many opportunities to enhance this gift/craft but I never gave up.

Day Dreaming

I sat here reflecting on my open letter to God. Thinking about everything that is going on. Recalling my childhood and the apparent difference in times.

We’ve been on lockdown for some time now nothing but time to think. I find myself so great full for even the smallest things. Taking out the trash, retrieving the mail, making phone calls letting people know how much I love them and what they mean to me.

I love and appreciate the weather each day. The sound of traffic which has become somewhat rare. Airplanes at night yet not that many are flying overhead.

There has been a lot to reflect on, and to learn throughout this process. My relationship with God is even deeper because apart from God I can do nothing I am nothing.

I’ve had deep conversation with myself which in terms I’ve repented for my end of things. knowing that change begins with me.

As I sat here I quickly began to daydream.

I saw myself sitting outside observing all of my surroundings. There was nothing but pain, grief, and death from our current happenings.

I sat down for a moment and it was there that I broke down. It’s kind of like in this day dream I was witnessing the front lines with my own eyes.

My stomach filled with pain, my eyes were filled with tears. This was more than a cry it was whaling. I was crying with pain, grief, and anger, frustration, agony, and unbelief that this was even taking place.

My vision ended with me sitting on the side of the curb wearing a white modest dress. My stomach was clinched into my hands filled with so much pain from crying and hurting emotionally. I saw myself looking around crying uncontrollably and loud. No matter what I just could not stop. With each glance and look my heart was deeply saddened. The more I looked the deeper the pain.

No where I turned was spared from this site. In fact tragedy was all my soul could see.

Dear God

I kinda don’t know where to start this letter, so I think I’ll begin here. Earlier today I saw a video that came from out of Brazil. People were lined up on the streets kneeling on their knees praying asking you to heal their land, and of course with this pandemic/ Devine intervention they were keeping social distance.

God I don’t believe that you created this, but perhaps your allowing it. This world has grown so wicked and way past cold. It would not be accurate if I said that it’s everyone, but God I know that we owe you an apology.

We’ve pulled ourselves away from your laws and commandments. We have become so worldly and self seeking. God forgive us for not making time to seek your face, to praise your name, for being so self centered.

We spend most of our time being busy when in reality we need to focus more on giving you all the praise and thanking you.

Drugs, violence, war, crime, hatred, anger, greed, bitterness, fornication and so much more. These are things that somehow has made its way to defining us as a society.

God not only are these things taken to the streets but they are in our churches as well. I miss the days when my grandma would go to the church house every day. She took her time making sure that it was clean, that there was not a need, and then she paced the aisle praying, praying, praying.

As a kid I didn’t understand why my grandma spent so much time seeking you while praying not only for her entire family but the entire world.

God where are those days now we need more people praying with a passion with strong intent. I’m sure that there are many people doing just that and no matter what we can’t give up.

God I’m sorry for all of this wickedness I know that as your children you want better from us and for us. As any parent would want for their child. I know deep down inside that there is good in this world striving hard to survive in a world like this.

God it is my prayer that during this time we’ve had time to talk to you, tell you what’s on our hearts and minds, and repent.

I thank you for taking the time to hear my words.